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May. 16th, 2005

Okay, I admit it. I’m a geek. And a TV freak. When I was a kid, for about 2 years, we didn’t have a television (we didn’t have a refrigerator, either, but that’s another story [as is the whole lack of plumbing]), so when we finally got one again, it was a big deal. I memorized the TV Guide as soon as it came in. My parents stopped even opening it up—they’d just ask me. I could usually give them the time, show, synopsis, and guest stars (this was in the days when those things were in the TV Guide). Of course, before you get all impressed I should tell you we only got 4 channels, and 2 of those were NBC. Networks ran a lot of movies and 1 hr. series, so I only had about  15 things to remember or less.

My life got patterned around the telly. I got so I anticipated Star Trek at 9 on Thursdays and Lost in Space at 8 on Wednesdays. It would totally disrupt me when they’d move a show’s night and/or time. Or cancel a show I loved (like Honey West)!? Well, it was traumatic. Even canceling a show I watched because there wasn’t anything better (like the original Battlestar Galactica) was pretty horrible for me.

Well, this year, has sucked. First WGN moves Andromeda to Sunday afternoons, completely screwing up my weekend punctuation. For 4 years it came on at 8 PM on Sunday night, and when it was over (just like when I was a kid and the Wonderful World of Disney ended) I knew it was time to shift brain from weekend mode to workweek mode. Now there wasn’t ANY punctuation because Sunday night television BLOWS.  No, now it’s on Friday nights on SciFi. Okay, capital letter—except half the time we aren’t home on Friday or if we are 7-8 is while I’m getting dinner finished and on the table. Besides, how a sentence begins is rarely as important as how it ends.

To top it all off, Andromeda is ending after the worst, lamest, most incoherent excuse for a last season ever perpetrated on scifi fans. What really pisses me off is that even with that ringing, unavoidable truth, I’ll still miss it because except for the increasingly predictable Stargate SG-1 it’s the only science fiction series on television that even comes close to being the kind of thing I enjoy. Oh, sure, Revelations is on—but if I wanted to think that hard I’d grade research papers. I want big ships with lots of armament, studly officers, buff women who kick ass and take names, and nice clear good guy/bad guy characters with the occasional “big issue” topics. Oh, and real lighting--none of this crawling around in the dark Riddick crap. Nice shiny metal and well lit corners except when our heroes are going where the bad people are. Life isn’t all the Gospel of John and the Book of Revelations. Frankly, a nice straightforward Gospel of Mark is what I want on a regular basis. It helps me defragment the hard disk of my brain.

Crap. Now what am I going to do for system maintenance?

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