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March 27th, 2016


Today my friend Mel joined the Roman Cathoic church as a full member--that happens for adults at the Easter Vigil mass, and she invited Rowan and me to attend. She had us sit in the seats reserved for the family of those being baptized and confirmed at the mass. So we went, and sat with her son Elijah, in those reserved seats.

It was beautiful church. It is Historic St. John's in Utica. I found out, during the mass, that it is the church that is now the home of the church in which I was baptized (St. Francis de Sales), because when the diocese closed St. Francis's, it was considered that that parish merged with St. John's. That makes sense--they were only 6 blocks apart. Utica is a very Catholic city. From my flat it is less than an half hour's walk to the parish of St. Joseph and St. Patick, less than 2 minutes to Holy Trinity, and 1/2 an hour to St. John's. If St. Francis was still operating, that would be less than 5 minutes.

So, I went to mass. I'm not sure anyone reads LiveJournal anymore, but if you are Catholic you will be horrified to find that I took communion today, but haven't taken the sacrament of confession in…maybe 20 years. And even that may be understating it. I'm not sure how I feel about that. Either your condemnation, or my going to the altar. But I did it, and I don't believe it was a wrong thing to do.

My sense of God, of salvation, if very mixed. But tonight, in that place, a great many things of wonder, and joy, happened for me. Many things I lost, I may have found a way back to. That matters. And so, on this Easter eve…I feel a peace I have not felt since…a horrible Sunday afternoon, a million years ago... Yesterday.