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Last night

Friends. Bless them. And thank the heavens for them.
theboomboom called. Then after we hung up she called Alheidis, who drove the 30 miles from Norwich and held me until Duchezz got home. Then she took my girl home with her, to the kindness of a vet who understands that more is needed than handing them a check and getting a paper box in return.
hundmathr called from his sickbed. I couldn't talk long, but his voice was a hand reaching out in the darkness.
dicea spoke words of love, that helped me face the first long night without my puppy beside me, snuffling as she slept--alone in the too wide bed, empty of the strong freckled arms that used to hold me.

And so, here I am. The night did not take me. This will not break me. But I am cracked, and ragged, and do not recognize myself anymore.

I am at the point where I fear the best I can hope for is that like that little isle in the Atlantic, after violence, I will be "All changed, changed utterly: A terrible beauty is born."


Comments

( 21 comments — Leave a comment )
unadesaintluc
Oct. 16th, 2008 12:56 pm (UTC)
*hug*
fiannaharpar
Oct. 16th, 2008 01:10 pm (UTC)
*hugs*
I keep praying for you.
alricthemad
Oct. 16th, 2008 01:13 pm (UTC)
Thinking of you both
patrikia
Oct. 16th, 2008 01:33 pm (UTC)
Love and hugs from here. I am so very, very sorry.
mister_robinson
Oct. 16th, 2008 02:01 pm (UTC)
I really like Penelope.

Some time soon there should be grilled food and ping pong.
meirwen
Oct. 16th, 2008 02:34 pm (UTC)
Yes.
mister_robinson
Oct. 16th, 2008 02:52 pm (UTC)
i have a wonderful marinade now.
briony530
Oct. 16th, 2008 02:32 pm (UTC)
*many hugs*
sillyviking
Oct. 16th, 2008 02:47 pm (UTC)
sigh. There are sometimes when I look at the supreme being in question and ask, "Ok. Just what you trying to tell me?"

And then there are times when I want to say, "Enough already!"

And then, when I'm really not in a good place, I some times say, "Merciful and compassionate? You? Oh please, be merciful and compassionate with someone else. I've had my fill."

I'm sorry.
ariannawyn
Oct. 16th, 2008 02:57 pm (UTC)
My heart sank when I saw your post last night, and I thought of the complete and utter unfairness of it all.

Your pain must be very deep. I am truly sorry, and I wish I could give you more help than mere words.

Words being all I have, please believe this, though it seems inconceivable now: there is light, someday you will come out of the darkness to the other side, and while you may not be who you were, yet you will still be yourself, able to give love and receive love and take joy in the world.

*hugs*
jlbooth76
Oct. 16th, 2008 03:02 pm (UTC)
{hugs and tears and more hugs}
nightfalljen
Oct. 16th, 2008 03:47 pm (UTC)
Love from Rian and I...
unique_name_123
Oct. 16th, 2008 04:06 pm (UTC)
I can not pretend to understand why this is happening or what greater purpose it can possibly have. My thoughts are with you.
goodscagirl
Oct. 16th, 2008 04:37 pm (UTC)
Big hugs from down here - she was a good girl.
visrose
Oct. 16th, 2008 05:19 pm (UTC)
I'm glad we could be there for you in the capacity we did. I only wish we could give you more.
annaeisenkopf
Oct. 16th, 2008 06:02 pm (UTC)
hugs from us on this side of the kingdom
(Deleted comment)
mg4h
Oct. 16th, 2008 07:11 pm (UTC)
I'm sorry. All I want to say is, "It's not fair," but when has that ever stopped anything?

*HUG*
janeelliot
Oct. 16th, 2008 10:24 pm (UTC)
Hugs from Pierre & me.
gwendolynbasing
Oct. 16th, 2008 10:32 pm (UTC)
Hugs to you both from Rod & me.
lyonessnyc
Oct. 17th, 2008 12:07 am (UTC)
Many hugs and much love from this end of the universe.
( 21 comments — Leave a comment )

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